Long-term, and even forced or isolated loneliness can lead to mental disorders and therefore belongs to one of the basic human fears (fear of death, fear of the unknown, fear of freedom or responsibility, lack of meaning). And if loneliness is the choice of the person himself, such as solitude, independence or asceticism, then it can become, on the contrary, healing and resourceful. My client Elena, a beautiful and slender woman of 40 years old with two adult children, had a period of prolonged loneliness. First as a result of a difficult divorce in his first marriage, and then early widowhood in his second marriage. And so she decided on a new relationship. There was a lot of romance (flowers, compliments, sex, etc.) and Elena thought that she had finally met the man she loved and with whom they would be together “in joy and in sorrow.” But, over the course of 3 years of living together (already married), he showed himself to be irresponsible, cruel, and even a drug addict. Elena was very afraid of separation: she tried to please him in everything, “turn a blind eye” to his behavior, tolerated his rudeness and rudeness, but increasingly began to wonder why she held on so tightly to this relationship, which was painful for her, in which there was a lot of suffering and emotional abuse ?She and I figured out why - every person has their own story. For Elena, this is a childhood story - the theme of disrupted attachment, when her parents were constantly at work and one of them was then absent - hence the dependence on relationships. The loss of a loved one, support and breadwinner in the family in the second marriage also had an impact. And much more, but, most importantly, she realized that this was how her main fear manifested itself - the fear of loneliness. And this fear caused in Elena a state of abandonment, abandonment and insecurity, accompanied by a feeling of hopeless melancholy and a feeling of emptiness in her life. I offer those who feel this fear the basic steps to work through it: Ask yourself the question: “What kind of relationship do I want?” Look at your current relationship from the outside and clarify it with your partner, if you have one. Strengthen your self-esteem. If you begin to accept yourself and are confident in your abilities, you will feel more relaxed about the fact that you will have to be alone for some time. You will also be able to refuse relationships in which you feel bad and wait for another meeting. Direct the focus to yourself. Focus on your needs, desires and ambitions. Bring something new into the routine of your life, any passion or hobby. When you begin to please yourself, you will not be alone inside. Create a financial safety net for yourself and thereby strengthen your independence in material terms. Remember that independence is the ability to satisfy one’s needs without using Another. Having worked through these steps in personal psychotherapy, Elena broke off a traumatic relationship with her husband, although this was not very easy for her. I changed my job. I became more calm, balanced and satisfied with my life. Her painful headaches associated with obsessive thoughts and worries went away, and her sleep improved. She learned to take care of herself, love and value herself regardless of whether others give her love. Now Elena is not in a hurry to immediately enter into a new relationship, but chooses and decides for herself with whom and how to communicate in order to feel comfortable. Come to my free consultation, and we will outline steps in an individual program to cope with your fear of loneliness . After all, each person has his own reasons and ideas about loneliness. And as a gift - the exercise “Who Am I?” Pre-registration for a consultation: by phone: + 7 961 171 34 95, Telegram, WhatsApp, Skype: isidiana9