Question: My mother always told me: “You will never have a husband, and no one will be friends with you like that...” And now I have a family and children, and my beloved husband (yes, he was the only man in my circle who supported and supports me, and not my inner voice). And I still can’t believe that this exists. Somehow it’s really possible to realize it. It’s as if you need to go to your mother and say: “Tell me that you were mistaken, that I will have a husband and family and friends. That you can communicate with me like this.” I asked her about this, but she only said that she did not mean it seriously. Maybe if she says what I want, my voice will change. He will say it verbatim. Maybe my inner voice will learn to mirror me positively." Answer: Most likely, you feel the message from your mother as an “attack” on you, it’s like criticism that hurts - your mother said that no one would be friends with you like THAT. And here we will never know how your mother saw you at that moment, what matters is your fantasies about it, and reality says that your mother’s words do not have a “prophetic” meaning, no matter what she says, you got married, etc. Of course, reality is reality, but what is more important is what is happening inside you, from which you cannot fully enjoy what you have. Inside, there is a dependence on the words of your mother, or rather, there is a great desire to receive approval from your mother. This is an absolutely normal and natural desire of a child. And also inside there is an IMAGE of a mother who has enormous power over you as a child. This image is like a deity who is always right in everything. And you seem to have done something wrong to this image of your mother by creating a happy family. by marrying a worthy man. There are other images of mom inside, but this one, let’s call it “criticizing” the most, at the moment. It is important to understand, and this is a very healing understanding, that the internal image of mom is your internal image, it belongs to you. And you have the power to change it. That is, you have the right to create such an image of your mother within yourself, which you can rely on, which will support you and tell you what you want, which will give you a feeling of approval and acceptance. Now you are in a “fusion complex” with your mother. It's as if your mother is completely inside you, and there is no one else inside except her. And from this confusion, a feeling arises - that you need to change your real mother, so that the image of your criticizing mother inside you changes, so that you begin to feel better. This does not work. You can never force a real mother to change. Your mother is already different, not the one who spoke these words to you. But when you communicate with your mother, who is here and now, the internal image of that mother who criticized and accused you is superimposed on her, and a lot of feelings arise inside you. In particular, despair and pain - from the fact that the most important and dear person IGNORES you and DOES NOT SEE you worthy of HAPPINESS and LOVE. Doesn't support you and doesn't try to understand your experiences. And there is a feeling of helplessness. Since your mother doesn’t see you like that (again, this is a fantasy), it’s as if you don’t have the right to be like that. And behind all these experiences lies a huge anger towards my mother. Anger at dependence on mom. And you have every right to all these feelings. A real mother is an ordinary person, with her own projections and her own life experience. And most importantly - with your limitations. Here and now I approve of you and bless you for a happy life. With you the way you are, everything is fine. By accepting my words, or rather the seed of goodness that I put in them, you gain more strength to create the inner image of a GOOD MOTHER. Then, when communicating with a real mother, her words will not hurt you so much. Between you and your real mother there will be an image of a mother who loves you. And this, by the way, will have a positive impact on communication with her. This also applies to mother-in-law. Your mother-in-law is the “shadow” of your mother. That is, the feelings that arise in relations with the mother-in-law are those