From the author: Where does the very idea of ​​the struggle for power and the very idea that one must fight for power in the family come from? Again, the roots come from the childhood of both spouses. When children grew up and were brought up in their families, they saw how mom and dad were fighting for power in the family, each in their own way, but at the same time, it never occurred to anyone that it was possible not to fight for power in the family, but to learn to share leadership. 02.21.12Where does the very idea of ​​the struggle for power and the very idea that one must fight for power in the family come from? Again, the roots come from the childhood of both spouses. When children grew up and were brought up in their families, they saw how mom and dad were fighting for power in the family, each in their own way, but at the same time, it never occurred to anyone that it was possible not to fight for power in the family, but to learn to share leadership. From the point of view According to Transactional Analysis, a power struggle occurs when both spouses play so-called psychological games. Eric Berne brilliantly described in his book “Games People Play” a series of marital games, which he called: “Well, gotcha, son of a bitch?”, “Court”, “Look how hard I tried.” And also games like: “If it weren’t for you.” The essence of the game is that a woman marries a man who is quite despotic and dominant in the relationship, who will lead her life. The husband strictly determines what his wife can do and what she should not do. The game provides the wife with both internal and external rewards: – Protects her from situations that unconsciously frighten the woman. – Gives you every right to complain all the time about your husband’s despotism, greed and severity. Thus, “makes the husband feel awkward” and feel guilty. – A woman enjoys playing the game “If it weren’t for my husband...” with her friends. A similar game may well be performed by men. “Frigid Woman” and “Scandal”, which are usually connected. The essence of this game is to avoid physical and emotional intimacy between spouses. A scandal in the evening gives both spouses every right not to engage in sexual relations at night. Both spouses are ambivalent about physical intimacy. The husband chooses a partner in order “not to overexert himself and not to risk his dubious potency and to be able to blame his wife for everything.” The wife, for her part, has every right to accuse her husband of the fact that “all men are animals, I need love, and you are only interested in sex.” At the same time, the wife periodically behaves seductively, causing her husband’s jealousy by flirting at parties or drinking a lot. Such a game damages not only emotionally, but possibly also physically. “Harried housewife” The wife takes on all possible and impossible tasks. She simultaneously performs ten to twelve roles, which she reproachfully lists to her husband on Sundays: wife, mother, mistress, maid, housekeeper, family financier, etc. If the husband is busy all the time at work, then “the easier it will be for both to find adult reasons for maintaining their unhealthy relationship.” The more a woman feels driven, the more tasks she takes on, until, finally, in the middle of the day, “she is completely deprived forces, and nothing gets done as a result.” This game has different degrees of winning: from the symptom “I’m tired,” and “failure” in matters that help her put her husband in an awkward position, to a state in which the woman is ready to be hospitalized. Are you familiar with this behavior? We all play games from time to time. But when play becomes the main way of communication in a family, then we will observe a struggle for power between spouses. Habitual play helps partners protect themselves from intimacy, it makes relationships predictable and reduces anxiety. And as you remember, at the previous stage of the relationship, the partners separated for some time, each found himself and his needs. When they return, the struggle for power and a clear distribution of roles in the couple often becomes a hot topic. Even though each individual can.